Tag Archives: Relationships

Just as there are several reasons why someone wants to eat something, there are also several reasons why someone wants to have a relationship. If someone wants to eat something, it may only show that they are hungry.

But it can also show that this is the time of day when they usually eat or feel depressed, for example. In these cases, it won’t be necessary for them to eat anything.

Many uses

Therefore, it would not be fair to say that food serves only one purpose. This is widely understood in today’s society, with many companies selling food designed to make people feel better.

So their goal is not to give people what they need to stay alive but to improve their mental and emotional well-being. Chocolate is one of the things that some people often look for to change the way they feel.

The other example

When a person wants to have a relationship, it can show that they feel the need to connect with another human being. At the same time, it could indicate that he or she is trying to avoid what they are feeling.

Therefore, his main priority will not be to connect with another human being. It might be accurate to say that relating to another person is the last thing they think about.

In a bad place

If we could step back and think about what’s going on for them, they might find that they don’t feel good about themselves. Also, they can often feel alone and as if they have no connection to anything.

It is these different parts that will then give them the motivation to find another person. Since they usually feel very low in their daily life, they may not be too difficult.

The perfect match

In a way, they will send the message that they need to be saved, which could lead them to attract someone who seems to be able to and have it. That person may end up trying to keep them, doing everything they can to make them feel better.

The person they have ended up with will probably not be looking for someone to connect with either; they will be looking for someone to fix. Before meeting them, they may have felt depressed.

A different need

Conversely, someone might feel incapable and doubt their worth, which would give them the desire to find someone to save. Thus, unlike the example above, it will be he who will want to fix another person.

Being with another person is not a way for them to experience intimacy; it is a way for them to experience a sense of worth and power. In this example and the example above, it will not be possible for someone to show themselves fully and reveal their true self.

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Built on sand

Like a house that isn’t built on a solid foundation, a relationship like this is unlikely to stand the test of time. If someone is with another person just because they feel depressed and lonely, they may quickly lose interest as soon as they feel better.

He or she will no longer be the same person, which will lead to a different set of needs. On the other hand, if someone is only with another person because they need to be saved, they may lose interest if that person gets involved.

A social accessory

Another thing that can happen when someone feels uncomfortable in their skin is that they may be attracted to someone who looks good. Having that person in their life will then be a way for them to receive the love from others (strangers) that they miss within themselves.

This person will be no different from a car or a striking piece of clothing; he or she will be there to make them look good. In the end, what others think of them will be far more critical than what they feel about themselves, which is a natural consequence of the fact that they are disconnected from their intrinsic value.

Avoid

One way to look at each of these examples would be to say that this happens when a person is not ready to have a relationship with another person. On the one hand, they do not have a healthy relationship with themselves.

They are using another person to change their feelings, which will most likely prevent them from being interested in a relationship. A false self may try to have a relationship with another false self, which could lead one person to play the child’s role and another to play the part of the parent.

How do we know this?

Taking all of this into account, we can say that several things will need to be in place before you are ready to have a relationship. Feeling comfortable in his skin and feeling whole and complete will be vital, which means that he will not need another person to complete them or feel good about himself.

Having a fulfilled life will also help them, preventing them from needing another person to make them happy. When they live their lives this way, they may not even need to be in a relationship, showing that they are ready to have one.

Awareness

Their attachment to finding someone will have considerably diminished, making it easier for them to find someone right for them. Their lives will be fulfilled, and they will not need to compromise and let someone into their lives.

If a person finds that they are not feeling good about themselves or feel empty, for example, and want to change their life, they may need outside support. This can be done with the help of a therapist or healer.

Great relationships can become boring and stagnant if you don’t put in any work, so putting some effort into finding ways to improve your relationship can do a lot better into making it last longer. No matter how strong or long your relationship has been, maintenance is always essential. As there are times, where the other person is taken for granted, and you don’t notice it until it is too late. So to remedy such a situation and prevent the worst from happening, here are some ways to improve your relationship.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF

This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.

When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one’s partner for one’s unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems, learning how to take loving care of yourself is vital to a good relationship.

KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ACCEPTANCE

Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the essence of true spiritual life. We all yearn to be treated lovingly – with kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We need to treat ourselves this way, and we need to manage our partner and others this way. Relationships flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are no guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings understanding in return. If your partner is consistently angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then you need to focus on what would be loving to yourself rather than reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. Kindness to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking responsibility for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important thing you can do. If you are always kind to yourself and your partner, and your partner is consistently angry, blaming, withdrawn and unavailable, then you either have to accept a distant relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. You cannot make your partner change – you can only change yourself.

LEARNING INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING

When conflict occurs, you always have two choices regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict. Or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through some form of controlling behavior. We’ve all learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to control others into behaving the way we want: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, care taking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, and so on. All the ways we try to control and create even more conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a vital part of improving your relationship.

For example, most people have two major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment – of losing the other – and the fear of engulfment – of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves against these fears with their controlling behavior. But if you chose to learn about your fears instead of attempt to control your partner, your fear would eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually – by learning instead of controlling.

CREATE DATE TIMES

When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Then, especially after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to thrive. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together – to talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time together.

GRATITUDE INSTEAD OF COMPLAINTS

Positive energy flows between two people when there is an “attitude of gratitude.” Constant complaints creates a heavy, negative energy, which is not fun to be around. Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Complaints create stress, while gratitude creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.

FUN AND PLAY

We all know that “work without play makes Jack a dull boy.” Work without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.

SERVICE

A wonderful way of creating intimacy is to do service projects together. Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own problems and supports a broader, more spiritual view of life.

If you and your partner agree to these seven choices, you will be amazed at the improvement in your relationship!

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